A natural human emotion, disappointment, is what happens after a perceived failure. This perceived failure may be the result of not receiving a toy, not being invited to a birthday party, or losing stuffed animals.
For children’s mental and physical health, as well as their overall development, they must learn how to handle disappointment. This can be a difficult situation for parents, especially around holidays when there is a heightened expectation, consumerism, and gift-giving.
The Santa story is a common mistake in North American culture, which equates love and happiness to material goods like toys. Parents can be upset if their children don’t receive the “right” present.
On holidays there is a lot of pressure on parents to give their children the perfect gift or to make them happy. This can be mistaken for providing necessities. Parents who are unable to afford the ideal gift or desire can feel shame, guilt, and disappointment.
Parents may feel that they let their child down and have affected their experience or memory of “special day.”
This is particularly true if your child is having difficulty or is still learning to regulate their emotions and is expressing disappointment by tantrums.
Parents can be deeply affected by these behaviors, leading them to believe that their child doesn’t love them or is not happy with them.
Focus on Traditions over Gifts
The holidays should be a time of love, togetherness, and connection. It is the foundation of all family traditions and what kids will remember as they grow and have their children.
Rituals and traditions are important to create meaning and a feeling of belonging.
Traditions can bring family rhythms to life. (Shutterstock)
For children’s social, emotional, and cognitive development, it is important to be a part of something bigger than themselves or their immediate families and create positive memories.
You might want to explore your traditions in order to help children better understand the true meaning behind a holiday. You might want to start new rules with your family that will allow you to build a stronger connection with each other and the community.
Children can learn that holidays are about making a difference by baking for others, donating toys or food to a toy drive, and participating in a food bank.
Give, don’t receive
By focusing on giving instead of receiving, we can help children to develop gratitude and learn how powerful it is.
Research shows that gratitude has significant health benefits, such as improved sleep, self-esteem, and empathy.
It’s important to understand that, although disappointment can be unpleasant, it’s a healthy and positive emotion that is essential to children’s social, cognitive, and emotional development.
Parents try to protect children from negative emotions, such as anger, disappointment, and sadness.
We must equip them with tools to deal with disappointments, both on special days and in everyday life. As they age, the impact of those moments becomes more intense.
Parents who support their children to deal with disappointment can help them develop adaptability and resiliency. These are two important skills for children to learn to bounce back after difficult experiences.
You can also help your child cope with disappointment by following these tips:
- Recognize your child’s feelings
Tell them that you are there for them. Label and validate your child’s emotions.
Children will follow your lead. (Shutterstock)
Tell your child you understand why they feel disappointed and that it is OK to express their feelings.
Is essential for children to have a positive self-image, develop empathy, and learn social skills. They must be able to feel, talk, and label all emotions.
- Share your disappointments
When children are disappointed that they did not get what they wanted, it can make them feel bad because they are often told to be grateful and fortunate for what they do have.
It is useful to tell a story about a time you felt disappointed to encourage children to express and embrace their emotions.
The Pony Who Never Arrived (Shutterstock)
You may remember a time when you were a child and were also disappointed by a gift you had hoped for but never received. Empathize with the emotions of your child to let them know that they’re not alone.
- Stay present and mindful.
It would be best if you always were mindful of the expectations that you have for your children, but this is especially important during the holidays. You could Instead of talking about gifts under the Christmas tree, you could talk about how much fun your children will have with their friends and family as you continue to celebrate the holiday season.
Be present to the child’s disappointment and behavior. Children can be very disappointed. Your child will become stronger and more resilient once they learn the boundaries.
- Label your child, but don’t use it.
You must be aware of your attitudes and language during this period. Do not say, “You are acting like a child.”
Even though it may be difficult, avoid labeling your child even if that label accurately describes what they have done. Use questions to encourage change. For example, “Are you safe?” or “Are you kind?”
Holidays bring out the best and worst in us all. If we want to help our children grow and develop, we need to teach them how to deal with disappointments every day.
Our children will grow and prosper through loving, caring relationships.
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