Christmas is a season of relaxation, celebration, and gift-giving.
The process of choosing gifts can be stressful and cause anxiety. A wrong gift may do more harm than good.
Based on years of research, here are some tips on how to avoid such pitfalls.
Why do we give presents?
According to research into the psychology behind gift-giving, there are two things you should consider before giving someone a present.
First, you want to make sure that the gift recipient is happy. It depends a lot on if the gift is what they want.
Second, strengthening the relationship between the giver and recipient. Giving a thoughtful, memorable gift that shows you know the recipient well is a great way to achieve this. This usually means asking someone what they want without them directly knowing.
You can easily see the puzzle.
Asking for the gift that someone wants is the most obvious way to get it. This approach is highly desirable. This approach fails to communicate thoughtfulness.
This graphic shows the problem in detail (with me as an example recipient).
Two dimensions to consider when buying someone a gift: thoughtfulness and desirability. Images from https://pixabay.com/
The best kind of gift is one both desired by the recipient and thoughtful. For me, this might be a custom t-shirt printed with an in-joke.
The worst gift is one that’s neither wanted nor thoughtful. This could be a pair of socks for me.
There are also gifts that people want but don’t think about, like cash. And there are gifts they don’t wish to but do consider, such as naming a new star after them. I love astronomy, but this isn’t the right thing for me.
Read more: We’re not as Grinchy as we think: how gift-giving is inspired by beliefs-based altruism.
Navigating social risk
It is for this reason that buying a present can cause anxiety. It is ” social risks“.
A gift that is well received can increase the quality of the relationship between the giver and recipient by increasing feelings such as connection, bonding, and commitment. A poorly received gift can do the opposite.
Research has shown this. In a study from 1999, 129 participants were asked to describe in great detail a time when they received a gift. Ten people said that gifts weakened their relationship. Two people ended their relationship because of the facility.
You may not be as impressed by the thought as you believe. Gift givers often overestimate unsolicited gifts.
What is the value of a thought?
The research also shows that people tend to underestimate their ability to determine what the recipient will enjoy and, therefore, what gifts will strengthen the relationship.
In a study from 2011, respondents were asked to recall either their wedding or one to which they had been a guest. The gift recipients were asked how much they appreciated gifts that were listed on a registry or those that were not. Guests were asked how they felt about the skills.
Gift recipients preferred to receive gifts from their list. Gift givers tend to assume that uninvited skills (those that are not listed on a registry) will be viewed as more thoughtful by the intended recipients. This isn’t the case.
Gift givers tend to believe that expensive gifts are more appreciated. It turns out that gift recipients value both costly and inexpensive presents. They actually feel closer to people who provide convenient advantages. For example, a gift card to an ordinary restaurant near them rather than one at a distance.
The psychology of money
What if you give cash?
The recipient can get exactly what they want. Cash is regarded as unthoughtful because it does not require any effort.
Cash is often given to Chinese people in a red envelope as a way of decommodifying the money. It’s a good way to bring luck and decommodify it. Consider a creative way to present cash. For example, you could use clever origami or some other personalization. This will demonstrate a greater level of thoughtfulness.
Gift cards are the closest thing to cash. It takes some effort, and it allows for some thoughtfulness when selecting which gift card to buy. The research shows that gift cards are often used as a final resort.
Read more: No presents, please: how gift cards initiate children into the world of ‘credit’
The best gift of all
If you don’t know what your recipient wants and want a gift wrapped under the tree, choose something practical that has a personal touch. A thoughtful card and a flexible gift certificate are a good option if you’re really struggling.
The psychology of gift-giving research shows that if you want to improve your relationship with your recipient, then give them a unique experience.
In a study from 2016, people were asked to choose between giving a friend a “material gift” (valued at 15 dollars) or an “experiential gift” (valued up to $15). Clothing was an example of a material gift. Experiential presents included movie tickets. The relationship strength of those who received experiential gifts was stronger than that of those who received material gifts.
Quality time is the most valuable gift that you can give to a loved one. In a study conducted in 2002, 117 participants reported that they were happier when spending time with family or attending religious events than when receiving money or gifts.
Grab a drink and sit down to have a chat this Christmas. Learn about each other. You’ll know what to give each other next Christmas if you do it right.
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